The Yamis Get Pissed and Destroy The World
by Borath
Summary: I'm not even going to bother with this considering the title of this abomination. Surreal, pointless and a timekiller. Hand in your brain at the door. It's spiritual because they're all spirits...


The Yamis Get Pissed and Destroy the World 

Rating: PG13.  Let's be safe kids. 

Disclaimer: I own them all, indeed I do.  I am planning to sue every Yu-Gi-Oh writer here on ff.net despite disclaimers and get rich.  Then I'll use the money to *really* buy Yu-Gi-Oh…. (Strokes white cat and smiles in a *sinister* and *evil* manner.

A/N: Guess who had a ridiculously difficult film essay that is of the utmost importance on her 'to-do' list?  You guessed it.  Borath's procrastinating again.  Still a stupid fic (anything spawned in one of my 'moments' is), but this one comes with a better lexis and larger vocabulary. No POVs here although we do tag around with Bakura more than anyone else.

*****

Yami was walking Bakura home.  Well, Yami was stumbling whilst holding Bakura in a peculiar variation of a headlock as the other tried to stagger along at a matching pace.  Both were, quite obviously, pissed out of their heads.  

They had no idea where they lived anymore and since they both seemed to like gold jewelry, they thought it a great idea to head to wherever together.  One of the points on the Ring was guiding them in a certain direction and as they really had no idea of where else to go (they'd done the Kebab shop and the shop-doorway bit already), they were taking it as Law and following it.

The door to the big house was unlocked so they both fell inside haphazardly and started yelling when the glare of two puny lamps began to blind them.  Strangely knowing exactly where the plug sockets were in this 'mystery house', Bakura fumbled with the wires for a few seconds before tearing them out of the wall.  No more little lights.

Getting up, Yami was the first to speak.  "I'm gonna to make some food.  You want some food?"  His eyes were big as he turned his head slowly and looked down to Bakura questioningly, the paler spirit lounging happily on his back.

Nodding slightly, he watched with mild interest as the former Pharaoh wandered off in search of the kitchen and possible edible goods.  He then took a few minutes to figure out which way was vertical before using the table, wall, floor and much brute force to get himself into the vertical position.  Turns out he got vertical wrong and was still on the floor.  Pursing his lips, he squirmed around a bit and had another go.  This time he was far more successful.  Now standing, he wandered off into the living room.

Blinking at the unconscious blond lying on the sofa which he had a vague recollection of, he snickered as he saw the pint glass of water balancing perfectly on the stranger's chest.  Snoring peacefully, Malik hugged his Millennium Rod closed to himself, the result of which being that one of the pointy bits on the side jabbed him in the side.  Waking up with a yelp, the glass of water toppled over spilling its contents over his chest and throat.  Glaring blearily at the offending fluid, he mumbled something under his breath before rolling off the sofa onto the floor, landing on a rather large and rather empty bottle of black-label vodka.

"You funny," he stated flatly before snorting in amusement, tottering around to Malik's side and poking his side with his boot.  The Egyptian groaned and flailed a hand meekly at the offensive boot.  Sliding out the Millennium from beneath his chin, he lifted it with the blurry intention of sending a wing-tip into the evil boot.

Giggling suddenly emanated from the kitchen and Bakura staggered off into the doorway to investigate, leaving Malik to impale the sharp point in the carpet and then to cry when he couldn't get it back out again.

After a few moments of finding the doorway, Bakura finally found his way into the kitchen, only to see Yami in tears of laughter.  He was leaning against the freezer with his arms wrapped tightly around his waist in a desperate attempt to remain standing.  

"What's funny?" Bakura asked with a slight frown, utterly perplexed by his actions.

Yami, slowly sliding to the floor as gravity won out against his battle with his laughter, pointed to the open freezer with eyes watering.  Blearily, Bakura sidled over to it using the countertop as a balancing tool and took a peek inside.  He was understandable surprised to see that Yami had somehow collected up every item of underwear in the house and shoved it inside the small freezer compartment.  

And to Yami, it was the funniest thing in the world.

Bakura however was not in the mood for laughing right now and turned to stumble away to poke at the blond in the other room when there were shouts of laughter from behind him.  Whirling around, he landed on his arse to see Yami laughing hysterically and pointing at the ceiling with an outstretched arm.

'Wha'?' Bakura mumbled, his head really starting to hurt now as he squinted up at whatever it was that was making the other guy laugh so insanely.

Between gasps of air and giggles, Yami managed to get out the words 'phallic' and 'light bulb'…  Not really wanting to figure that one out, Bakura staggered back into the living room to where he had left his newly-discovered friend.  

Malik had worked himself into an upright position against the sofa after a long and vicious struggle and was now licking drops of spilled water from his arms.   He'd given up on the rod, picking up a lamp and waving it around his head experimentally before deciding that it would substitute nicely.  It wasn't gold and it looked a bit tacky, but it was heavy and wieldy so all was good.

****

Yeah, I thought that was ridiculously short and stupid too.  Don't ask why Malik (The yami.  Was too lazy to state that beforehand) is there and nearly unconscious.  He just is.  Look at the title for Pete's sake (Idly wonders who Pete is…)!  Does this look like a serious fic?!

So, if you enjoyed the randomness and stupidity, tune in next time for the destruction of the world!  Half the title is definitely sorted now.  Review if you feel up to it.  


End file.
